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2005 is nearly gone – it’s going to be 2006 soon?

I remember it must have been 1973, I was seven years old and thinking about the year 2000 coming up. I’d be 34!!!! To me that was as old as my mother and life would be pretty much over by then as I reached middle age. I honestly thought it would never come, I couldn’t picture myself, or what my life would be like by then, or if I would have died from things old people got.

Well here it is, nearly six years past, and I am reaching my 40th birthday. Somewhere inside is the girl who was 16 years old and grieving her first heartbreak in love. Somewhere inside is the girl who was 23 and flatting with her best friend while they partied throughout the night in the same places that I absolutely abhor going to seventeen years later. Somewhere inside is the 25 year old first time new mother who looked at this little baby girl and wondered how anyone could allow me to take her home in case I broke her. And the memories aren’t that distant – I think that is what is scariest of all. Does that mean 20 years will fly by and I will look back on a life more past than what is left (ok that’s about this age LOL) and wonder what the hell happened to life?

Monte turned 50 last month (but we really try not to mention the “F” word in our house). But I guess the greatest testament to life flying by is evident in the kids and how much they grow and change.

Take for example, Jess. I'm not sure what I expected when they pulled this little baby girl from my womb. I think I was in disbelief, that me......of all people could carry and bear a child, so I'm not sure the magnitude of raising children really had sunk in.

But I imagined her to grow up into this beautiful feminine angel. Someone who had a sensitive nature, gentle and sweet, and absolutely boy crazy by her 14th birthday.

Instead, I got this .....androgynous dag, who I can barely get out of a black pullover and maroon shorts long enough to wash the one outfit that she has chosen to wear. (She's really cheap to clothe!) One that ties her hair back and I can't remember the last time I saw her with her beautiful blond hair cascading and flowing down her back. I see the color is now dark blonde, light brown, but it's hard to say if washing it would help. Someone who grunts at me when she gets home from school "How was school today?"

"Unnnggghhh"

"Good huh?"

"Errrrrr unnnnggghhhh"

Who, during family dinner conversation has her chin nearly in her plate as she shovels food into her mouth and rolls her eyes everytime her sister speaks.

"Kahni, you're such a retard" only to have her little brother parrot after her.

"Yeah............you're a wetard, Kahni!"

But yet, despite her being so totally NOT what I expected her to be, despite the fact that nobody could get a comb through her hair, let alone get her to the hairdressers to get an inch of the ratty ends cut off, I actually really like this person. I'm so grateful to God and nature that she isn't going absolutely boy mad - that she doesn't quite realise that she's NOT a boy yet. I'm so thankful that she's not trying to run out all hours with friends, trying drugs and drinking or wanting to get laid. Despite the fact that her room smells like the dog she loves to keep by her bed, and that Jess' idea of a fun night is sitting up designing web sites and computer games, despite her not giving a shit about her grades, or that she has a smart mouth, that isn't necessarily smart at me, or backchatting, has a sick sense of humor, it could be much much worse.

So anyway, back to Christmas 2005. I have reached some milestones in my life this year. After eleven years of study, I’d had enough this year of the pressures of study always sitting at the back of my mind – even if I wasn’t really studying. So I doubled up this year and took three units each semester to finish it all as a 40th birthday gift to me. About three weeks ago, I sent off my final assignments and I will paste them up on my page shortly. Then last week, I took my final CPA exam. I don’t feel overly confident about how I did, and I will have to wait till mid December to know how I went, but I am also not going to lose any more sleep over whether I passed or failed.

Remember a couple of Christmases ago I talked about harking for a more peaceful life? I’m looking for a “tree-change” rather than a sea-change now, and we might have some big changes coming up in the next year. I will keep you posted.

2005 was our year for travel – we had a beautiful trip to New Zealand in February with the kids. I really embraced every moment because I know Jess is at that age where it is harder and harder to get her to do anything with family. It was a fantastic relaxing time for all of us. In March, over Easter Monte and I took off down to Canberra for the long weekend. It was quite a drive, and I’m not sure I’d do the distance again in a short space of time. Then in June we went back to Arkansas to begin work on our “Shed” there. However, that’s been quite a comedy of errors and Monte and Jordy are back there again now to try and finish it off. Kahni and I will join them in mid December. Then we will fly home via Fiji and will meet up with Jess there for New Years. It should be fun.

Anyway, I guess next year is knuckle down and regroup – try and get some peace back into our everyday. Although I think we would still like to do a bit of travel. I hear Alaska is beautiful!

Roll on 2006! May you and your family have a happy, healthy and safe Christmas.

Love to all and God bless Ros, Monte, Jess, Kahni & Jordan

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